Category Punishment for narcissists

Punishment for narcissists

People with strong narcissistic, psychopathic, or sociopathic tendenciesabusers, manipulators, and otherwise harmful people tend to hurt others. Sometimes these people are identified and are forced to accept the consequences of their wrongdoings, while other times they get away with their behavior. And in certain social environments they, horrifyingly, are rewarded for their narcissistic and otherwise hurtful behavior. Some go into helping and teaching fields and work as doctors, therapists, priests, or teachers.

All of it serves two purposes. One, you legally have power over others. And two, you are perceived as respectable, educated, even caring, so you increase your chances of getting away with your bad behavior. On top of that, people with malignant narcissistic tendencies can be really smart and cunning. They become experts at gaslightingdeception, and manipulationso much so that they confuse others by their behavior but no one can quite put their finger on why.

As a result of all of those and other factors, hurtful people sometimes get away with their behavior with no negative consequences. Or do they? There are always internal consequences for everything.

And this is what matters the most. In many cases, they can be seen as punishments more than rewards because the person valuing and receiving it is less likely to change and grow.

If status symbols were an accurate indicator of true happiness, then all these rich, famous, powerful people would be the happiest people in the world: CEOs, politicians, celebrities, famous Internet people, etc. But to anybody who understands anything about psychology it is quite clear that they are not happy people. Some of them even kill themselves because they would rather be dead than stay in their toxic social and internal environment, despite of all the money, power, fame, sex, and acclaim that they have accumulated.

Do you think people who beat, rape, shout at, con, and otherwise abuse others are happy people? Do you think you can abuse a child and still be a genuinely happy person? Do you think you can sexually and physically abuse someone and feel authentic happiness? Do you think it really matters that some of them have money or a respectable job?

Sure, money can provide a sense of safety, and having social power can indeed be useful. But ultimately, the price that they pay for it is an even bigger loss of self. This makes their feelings of misery and self-loathing even stronger. All the lies, deception, hiding, being abusive, creating stories and justifications, fighting with people—all of it continues to spread and pile up.

Some of them try to change their behavior out of fear of mortality or loneliness or need for narcissistic supply. Some try to guilt-trip or shame or bully others into giving them resources, but it becomes harder and harder. Real happiness comes from within, from a strong sense of self, from growing as a human being, from being a decent person. Darius Cikanavicius is an author, educator, mental health advocate, and traveler.

Darius has worked professionally with people from all over the world as a psychological consultant and a certified mental health coach. His main areas of expertise and interest are childhood trauma, self-esteem, self-care, perfectionism, emotional well-being, narcissism, belief systems, and relationships.

For more information about Darius, his work, and his contact information please visit selfarcheology. Or via RSS Feed. Find help or get online counseling now. About the Blog Archives. How Abusers Get Away with Their Behavior People with strong narcissistic, psychopathic, or sociopathic tendenciesabusers, manipulators, and otherwise harmful people tend to hurt others.People with strong narcissistic, psychopathic, or sociopathic tendenciesabusers, manipulators, and otherwise harmful people tend to hurt others.

Sometimes these people are identified and are forced to accept the consequences of their wrongdoings, while other times they get away with their behavior. And in certain social environments they, horrifyingly, are rewarded for their narcissistic and otherwise hurtful behavior. Some go into helping and teaching fields and work as doctors, therapists, priests, or teachers. All of it serves two purposes.

One, you legally have power over others.

Narcissists & The Silent Treatment

And two, you are perceived as respectable, educated, even caring, so you increase your chances of getting away with your bad behavior. On top of that, people with malignant narcissistic tendencies can be really smart and cunning. They become experts at gaslightingdeception, and manipulationso much so that they confuse others by their behavior but no one can quite put their finger on why. As a result of all of those and other factors, hurtful people sometimes get away with their behavior with no negative consequences.

Or do they? There are always internal consequences for everything. And this is what matters the most. In many cases, they can be seen as punishments more than rewards because the person valuing and receiving it is less likely to change and grow. If status symbols were an accurate indicator of true happiness, then all these rich, famous, powerful people would be the happiest people in the world: CEOs, politicians, celebrities, famous Internet people, etc.

But to anybody who understands anything about psychology it is quite clear that they are not happy people. Some of them even kill themselves because they would rather be dead than stay in their toxic social and internal environment, despite of all the money, power, fame, sex, and acclaim that they have accumulated.

Do you think people who beat, rape, shout at, con, and otherwise abuse others are happy people? Do you think you can abuse a child and still be a genuinely happy person? Do you think you can sexually and physically abuse someone and feel authentic happiness? Do you think it really matters that some of them have money or a respectable job?

punishment for narcissists

Sure, money can provide a sense of safety, and having social power can indeed be useful. But ultimately, the price that they pay for it is an even bigger loss of self. This makes their feelings of misery and self-loathing even stronger. All the lies, deception, hiding, being abusive, creating stories and justifications, fighting with people—all of it continues to spread and pile up. Some of them try to change their behavior out of fear of mortality or loneliness or need for narcissistic supply.

Some try to guilt-trip or shame or bully others into giving them resources, but it becomes harder and harder.As the saying goes, we often hurt the ones we love, but many narcissists torture others deliberately and with little to no restraint. Narcissists coerce others, especially their family, to uphold the manufactured identity they create for themselves in place of the shame and instability they actually feel beneath their assertions of superiority.

They continuously work to convince themselves that their invented self is real and true, and they resort to all means of coercion to exact cooperation from those around them to support their sham reality. Narcissists are not capable of sustained genuine love, loyalty, or respect for others, even and often especially those who in fact love and are loyal and respectful to them.

Anyone who triggers, usually inadvertently, their profound insecurity, or narcissistic injury that early childhood psycho-emotional wound that never healsis fair game for a host of punishments. Many malignant narcissists are also sadistic, experiencing pleasure, often sexual, through torturing others.

They are doing it also because they enjoy and even delight in humiliating, dominating, defiling, and dehumanizing others. People with NPD are not necessarily sadistic, but the ones who are make monstrous abusers who will torment those, in a parallel universe, they are meant to love. Thank you to The Neurotypical Site for insights into psychological coercion based on Amnesty International definitions, adapted here.

Buy me a coffee. Julie L. Need support?

11 Mandatory Rules for Dealing With a Narcissist

In assisting a friend I have encountered the worst NPD i have ever seen. It is the worst things I have ever read or seen. I am pretty sure sex traffickers would be more humane than this. At least a trafficker is motivated by money instead of sadistic control and emotional torture. You have no idea, as the expression goes! My mother is a NPD- emotional torture type. She and my father, but with mother at the helm of the narcissism, absolutely destroyed my life -emotionally- and so insidiously.

But, let me just say, when that front shuts and the company and friends leave after their visit, the narcissistic sham reality sets in; the cognitive dissonance, the removal of free will, the thought control, the targeting, and shall I continue. I am 52 now and just now starting to live. Yes, absolute emotional torture. And, I am a well-educated and motivated individual who cares about her work, her friends, and contributing.

Like a tried and true long-term career because of the above that I listed here and the details of what Julia Hall lists here. Now, I am starting to live, for the first time. I feel like I just graduated from college and am looking for my career as one does, typically, upon graduating.

Those reading about NPD, please note that this is a real thing. This is REAL.

punishment for narcissists

What Julia Hall and the other doctors and authors contribute to this field is vital. Please pay attention to this NPD as it is real as real gets and it comes in many forms and degrees.

It presents in as many different way as there are people on the planet. Do not be fooled. This is not a game and it is not a farce some made up diagnosis. It is even very difficult to find therapists who understand this Dr. Milken, of Harvard, and Dr.

Karyl McBride, of Colorado do! YouTube them, Dr. McBride has been there!If we can just decode the mystery of what they respect, we reason, we will finally get the validation that is always out of reach and avoid the hurt that is so often a way of life. To children and adult children, the narcissist parent often doles out positive attention as intermittent reinforcement interspersed with neglect and abuse, keeping them guessing and working for validation.

It is common for adult children of narcissists to carry a fantasy that someday their parents will finally see them and open their arms with the love and validation such children have sought their entire lives, to no avail.

These are fundamental codes that define our best selves, ideals we reach toward and build relationships, families, and societies upon. We may fall short, perhaps abysmally so, but most of us recognize the importance of trying and do our best to achieve even minor steps toward these ideals.

As much as this makes sense to those of us with a relatively stable sense of identity, self-esteem, and empathic connectedness with others, narcissists see things quite differently. This need is essential to their emotional survival and eclipses all else. They may pay lip service to lofty ideals. They may cultivate a charming, caring, heroic, great-humanitarian image. No, narcissists do not respect integrity, kindness, truth, mercy, justice, compassion, and gratitude.

The answer? Whereas narcissists idealize people and things they believe will enhance their own status, they are driven by a desire to possess and control such coveted prizes, not by respect. And if they are thwarted in getting what they want, they feel hateful envy, a desire to debase and destroy that which they cannot have.

The unattainable becomes something to be outdone and defeated until nothing else but the narcissist stands tall, peerless, and invulnerable. To the narcissist, life is a war, and each moment a potential battle. Narcissists respect nothing. Ultimately they hold everyone and everything in contempt. Buy me a coffee. Julie L. Need support? It took many years to learn about this and so glad I did this year.

It has been a Godsend to me in being able to clear-headedly walk away without closure and never expecting it. My brother has this disorder.

Ismail letting him think that I am moving near him. I am am not wanting for one more check. I live in another state. Part of my loves him but I will not take his abuse.We also have the compounding horror that we seem to be trapped in this! And why do we keep getting drawn back in time and time again? If we are honest with ourselves we know that the torture in some crazy way extends to the way we are torturing ourselves.

In this article I am going to share with you the deeper truths about what we can learn and heal from the hideous torture, and how this bears incredible gifts. Narcissists connect with you deeply — or so it seems.

And this is exactly how a narcissist needs to operate, because they fear people. This means that narcissists need to control others. Somewhere in their past they learnt that their True Self was not adequate to get its needs met, and what was required to not be emotionally annihilated was a False Self — a buffer — that could pretend to be someone who the narcissist is not and manipulate, deceive and avoid accountability.

This is the replay of original childhood wounds, this time as a more equipped and practiced adult, using tactics to survive from the terror of the alive and festering wounds inside the narcissist — wounds of childhood neglect, abuse or enmeshment. And I really want you to absorb that statement, because then you can understand exactly how that has played out for you.

The narcissist gets to know you intimately, and in order to gather information he or she asks questions and listens attentively, to find your weakspots. The narcissist knows that by hitting these weakspots that you are crippled emotionally and this causes you to hand power over by regressing into reactivity and helplessness and powerlessness. We try to make the narcissist change his or her opinion of us. The TRUTH is we have regressed back to the child at the age of our unhealed wounds, and we are assigning the narcissist as the parent to FIX it this time.

This is the TRUTH of what is playing out — you are bonded to the narcissist trying to fix what Mum did to you when you were seven, and the narcissist is getting an incredible feed of narcissistic supply from you whilst you remain trauma bonded.

This goes for every weakspot that the narcissist is hammering you with. Think about it, and you will start connecting the dots and realising how true this is. This is where perpetual victims who are very unconscious go into overdrive. Because that orientation is a completely wrong turn away from our healing and only creates a deeper cementing into victimisation. In all my years helping people Thrive after narcissistic abuse, I have never seen one person operating in this model get better.

In stark contrast I have seen them just get addicted to information about abusers, and joining in with other people who are also obsessed with finding out and sharing everything they can about narcissists. Here is the absolute truth: We created at soul level contracts for these people to come into our lives. Now there is the ultimate statement that will make people really want to crucify me! How DARE you say that!Return to Narcissistic Personality Disorder Forum.

Users browsing this forum: Bing [Bot]Google [Bot] and 33 guests. Psychology and Mental Health Forum. Our partner. Narcissistic Personality Disorder message board, open discussion, and online support group. Forum rules. If you could put yourselves in my shoes, you would understand why I ask this. I don't want to hurt him physically. I just need him to realize his mistake for playing around with someone's heart.

Reallyfirst of all your ex is a jerknot a Narc. Second of allany advance you make on him when he told you he is seeing someone else is going to make you look like a loser. Move on! And forget about him. And if he was a true Narcissisthe wouldn't have caredhe would have forgotten you already anyway. I'm sure you can find someone who will appreciate you.

However, I still believe that he has this disorder albeit of a lesser degree. Maybe he is coming back to me asking us to be friends because he knows I have money and he needs it desperately. I don't want to get back with him, I just want a way to make him realize that one should not play around with their feelings.

He claims to have a very poor memory, sometimes he repeats the same funny story over and over again not recalling that I've heard it before. He never worries- he feels things will fall into place by themselves. Therefore, he has spent 6 yrs going on to the 7th yr finishing studies that should have taken just 4 yrs. He lied having a degree. He had warned me, that if I ever told this to any of his friends I should consider this relationship over. He told me he controls his women by telling them when to meet and where to meet.

He always told me to think before I speak lest he takes offence, therefore I always had to think twice and put my point across as gently as possible otherwise he would throw a fit and call me a retard and ask me to see a therapist. Many a times he has asked me if I had bi-polar disorder. He has violent mood swings. I never criticized him for anything for the first 4 months and everything was fine, but the moment I blamed him for not calling me 7 days at a stretch while I was not in town, he blamed me instead of not keeping track of his well being since he was not well and that he had no phone balance.Do you often engage in conversations with your narcissist that leave you feeling like you were talking to a brick wall — or worse, maybe leave you feeling like banging your head against a brick wall?

Perhaps, it has even crossed your mind that you would have been better off conversing with a brick wall because the wall would have more capacity of providing understanding, validation, and empathy than the narcissist in your life! The circular conversations leave you feeling worse off than if you had never had them in the first place. You begin to blame yourself, doubt your instincts and wonder what the heck is going on?

Before we realize the truth about the narcissist in our lives, we relate to them as if they are normal human beings possessing a conscience, integrity and some degree of self-awareness.

punishment for narcissists

We give them the benefit of the doubt because we believe they truly love no one who truly loves us would purposely say or do anything to hurt our feelings and us. Conversations with a narcissist, especially if you hold opinions about anything that contradict with their opinion of what is the gospel truth, are jam-packed with a barrage of covert manipulation tactics that are intrinsic to the narcissist and entrenched in their personality.

They will make you wish you never disagreed with them in the first place and regret that you had ever dared to express your point of view. A simple disagreement will often incite a full-fledged attack on you. Narcissists never enter into conversations.

They enter into verbal competitions. Their goal is to win at all costs. They have no interest in seeking understanding, clarification or compromise, or in reaching a meeting of the minds. Their conversations are only meant to manipulate, confuse, control, destabilize, deflect accountability, cast doubt, distort reality and create drama.

But first the narcissist will discipline you with their collection of manipulation tactics, so when they do give you the boot, you will be sure to go out believing the reasons for your dismissal were all your fault. Blame shifting is usually a tactic used subsequently to the Topic Switcheroo. The narcissist, like a magician, successfully changes the topic and diverts your attention by pointing the finger at you, and you suddenly find yourself on the defensive end of the conversation stick.

5 Steps To Ignoring A Narcissist Who Tries To Punish You

The narcissist will raise questions about any and all of your real or perceived faults and pummel you. You, in turn, instinctively defend yourself, and the narcissist, just like Houdini, makes the original topic of their bad behavior disappear and escapes having to take any accountability for their actions. What they say and do when no one is watching is drastically different from what they say and do in the presence of others.

Since they are all about maintaining their false persona they use projection to rid the unwanted traits in their character. Did you ever notice how they will accuse the most generous person of being selfish or having a hidden agenda behind their generosity?

The most honest person is accused of being a liar.

8 Things Narcissists Are Secretly Afraid Of

Their faithful partner is accused of cheating? When and if they resort to character assignation, their comments more closely resemble the truth and tend to resemble slander. Not the outright lies that characterize projection. Their actions are an absolute declaration of psychological warfare. Their increased volume is a ploy to get to you to back off.


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